Overcoming Adversity

Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful.

The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength. For some, the refiner’s fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such refining is part of the perfection process. (President James E. Faust)

Adversity is a given in life. We will all experience it. It is for this very reason that we are here in this mortal journey - to prove ourselves through our trials and tribulations. During times of adversity, some choose to abandon faith in the Lord. Others choose to remain steadfast and true. They choose to hold fast to their faith and continue to serve the Lord and their fellowmen.

Service is a big part of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We may be asked to teach Sunday school, conduct music, teach small children, lead the congregation, teach early morning Seminary, help with the Sunday bulletin, or be a visiting teacher. It really doesn't matter where in the Church we're asked to serve. What matters is that we serve to the best of our abilities. What matters is that we use the talents the Lord has blessed us with to serve Him and our fellowmen in whatever capacity we're asked to serve.

I've seen and felt the hand of adversity this year. I've also witnessed an outpouring of blessings through the selfless service of others.

Yesterday, I was released as the Relief Society (women's organization of the Church) president in our ward (local Church unit). This basically means that as of yesterday, I'm no longer the Relief Society president for our ward. A release from a calling in the Church usually comes about when one is being called to serve somewhere else, is moving out of the ward, when personal or family circumstances change, or it might simply be time to give someone else an opportunity to serve in that position. We're moving back to the West Coast in a week!

As the Relief Society president, I came to love each of the women in the ward. However, there is a special place in my heart for those sisters who experienced great adversity over the past year. Some sisters have serious health related challenges. Others are struggling financially. There are problems in marriages and other family relationships. The list goes on. Each is dealing with trials and adversity in her own way. With faith in the Lord and with help from her sisters in the Relief Society, each sister continues to move forward, one step at a time.

Sometimes, serving and helping someone else does require a lot from us, but I've found that these times are very rare. Most times, it's the small and sincere acts of love that go a long way in easing someone else's load. Often times, it doesn't cost us anything except an hour or two of our time. At times, a smile, a kind word, a true friend, is all that is needed. Someone who will listen and not judge. Someone who understands, who cares, who looks past the shortcomings to the person inside. Someone who is willing to share another's burden, even if it is just for a few minutes.

Alma, a prophet of the Book of Mormon taught us that to become true disciples of Jesus Christ, we must be willing to bear one another's burden.

And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life. (Mosiah 18:8-9)

A wonderful thing happens when we strive to serve and help others during their trials - we forget to dwell on our challenges. Our problems may not disappear completely but somehow our perspective changes. What once seemed insurmountable is not quite so overwhelming. We stop feeling sorry for ourselves.

I'm filled with gratitude for the examples of these sisters. Despite personal trials, these sisters chose to serve and help someone else. They remind me on a constant basis that each of us is our sister's keeper. We are indeed our brothers' keepers!

Selfless service is a wonderful antidote to the ills that flow from the worldwide epidemic of self-indulgence. Some grow bitter or anxious when it seems that not enough attention is being paid to them, when their lives would be so enriched if only they paid more attention to the needs of others.

The answer lies in helping to solve the problems of those around us rather than worrying about our own, living to lift burdens even when we ourselves feel weighed down, putting our shoulder to the wheel instead of complaining that the wagons of life seem to be passing us by.

Stretching our souls in service helps us to rise above our cares, concerns, and challenges. As we focus our energies on lifting the burdens of others, something miraculous happens. Our own burdens diminish. We become happier. There is more substance to our lives.
(Elder David S. Baxter of the Seventy).

I was visiting with two wonderful friends a couple of nights ago. Eventually, our conversation turned to our children and our families. We discussed our dreams and hopes for them. One friend fretted over a teenager who has chosen to drop out of high school to follow some friends. She feels that nothing she says to him is going to make a difference. She's worried that he's made even worse choices. My other friend doesn't have children of her own yet but she is deeply saddened by the path her younger siblings have chosen thus far. We shared regrets over missed opportunities with our children and loved ones - things that we did that we shouldn't have done as well as things that we didn't do that we should have done.

We all have someone in our lives that we worry and pray about from time to time, if not all the time. We despair over a wayward child who disregards all the values and beliefs that we hold dear. We hurt when a sibling appears to go out of their way to ruin their lives. Our hearts cry out for family members or dear friends that have succumbed to addiction of any form.

What can we do? Is there anything more that we can do? If you're like just about everyone I know, you've already tried everything. You've talked to them, counseled with them, reasoned with them, and prayed and fasted for them. You've cried, you've begged, you've threatened, and cried some more. You've sought help from within the family and from without. Perhaps, you've even tried bribery. You've tried it all, everything and anything!

Is it time to give up? No! Never, ever give up!

We still have love. We still have hope. No matter how dark and desperate things may seem, we always have hope, always. A portion of the 13th Article of Faith of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints reads, "We follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things." When all else has failed, hang on to hope. Hold on to hope because we really don't know how things will turn out. They may have a change of heart tomorrow, or next month, or next year. Perhaps, a change of heart may never come. But we just don't know that. So, we keep that hope burning bright even if no one else does.

Elder John K. Carmack of the Quorum of the Seventy offered this counsel to parents but it can apply to anyone with a loved one in this situation:

Despite our best efforts to raise children who love the Lord, follow His commandments, and live happy, productive, and healthy lives, our sons and daughters sometimes go astray. Straying can mean involvement in drug abuse, criminal activity, immorality, and even abuse of parents and others. Other forms of drifting, perhaps less serious but nevertheless troubling, include underachieving, dropping out of school, and finding little purpose or happiness in life...

Never Give Up. If you cannot seem to reach your daughter or son now, you can at least keep trying and keep loving him or her, for the very will to reach out, nurture, and extend help to another is an act of love that does not always go unnoticed.

The adversary is cunning. He is everywhere. He is known by many names; Satan, Beelzebub, Lucifer, the Destroyer, the Deceiver, and the Evil One to name a few. He exists to bring about misery but he cloaks and disguises it so well that he sometimes manages to fool and attract our loved ones. He revels in destroying anything that is good and honorable. He degrades and demoralizes.

Don't give him any more power than he has already taken. If he has triumphed over a loved one, fight back. Don't give him the satisfaction of winning everything, even if the only thing you have left is Hope. Don't quit on your loved ones. Don't let the adversary have that pleasure. Never, ever give up. When it comes to our loved ones, there is no "right" time to give up!

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

Remember this nursery rhyme? Does anyone out there really believe that words can't hurt us? Words do hurt! Words can leave wounds and scars that linger long after broken bones are healed. Words can maim for life!

I'd never heard about American Idol, let alone watch it, until March of this year. Well, the big American Idol finale was last night. Two very talented singers went head to head. From all appearances, the two were both worthy of the title. Both are extremely gifted singers. Both appear to be humble young men from families that love them very much. Last night, one very deserving young man was crowned the victor. The other, just as deserving and just as talented, is rightly proud of the fact that he gave it his all and did his best.

It's been interesting to watch the frenzy that surrounded this show, especially on the Internet. Actually, I don't think "interesting" is quite the word I want. I believe the one I want is "disheartening." That's the one that comes the closest to describing how I feel. I found it absolutely disheartening to read some of the unkind things that were written about the contestants, especially the young "Mormon kid" from Utah. It was especially disheartening to realize that some of the meanest things written about him were written not by teenagers but by adults.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we know that each of us will experience adversity in our lives.

Adversity comes from different sources...Adversity may sometimes come because of others’ poor choices and hurtful words and actions. (True to the Faith pg 8-11)

Negativity in the media is nothing new. We've dealt with it on a large scale ever since television became a common household item. However, the anonymity afforded by the Internet seems to have given rise to a whole new level of mean-spiritedness in our society.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said:

...Negative speaking so often flows from negative thinking, including negative thinking about ourselves. We see our own faults, we speak—or at least think—critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything. No sunshine, no roses, no promise of hope or happiness. Before long we and everybody around us are miserable.

This post is really not about American Idol. It's about how we view and treat each other. It's about what we say about each other and how we say it. It's about showing a little more kindness and compassion with the words that we speak and write. It's about doing unto others as we would have them do unto us. (Mathew 7:12)

As a parent, I know how crucial my words are to my children. The right words can lift and motivate while the wrong words can destroy. I have no doubt that my words affect my children whether they're 8 years old or 19 years old. Because I know this, I'm very careful with my words especially when I'm angry or upset.

Should I be any less careful with what I say to or about other people's children? Of course not! Should I be any less considerate of what I say about anyone else? Absolutely not!

Does this mean that we can't criticize or correct? Of course not. Does this mean that we will like everyone that we'll come across? Of course not. Does this mean that we'll all be in agreement on every issue and matter that arises? Of course not. BUT we can disagree without being mean. We can correct with love. We can even vote, praise, and cheer for our favorite American Idol without belittling the talent and character of the other.

Elder Holland continued:

Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity, the three great Christian imperatives so desperately needed in the world today. With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return, confidence can prevail.

There is a hymn that we sing in Church that I hum to myself when I find myself being less than charitable in my words. The first line reads, "Let us oft speak kind words to each other, At home or wherever we may be." Friends, there is enough meanness and hate in the world. Let us try to be a little more considerate of each other. Let us try and speak kind words, not only within our homes but in our neighborhoods and communities and yes, even on the Internet.

It's been raining here all day. Rain, rain, rain! So much for our plans for the day. Now, we have to postpone them for tomorrow which means tomorrow's agenda has to be pushed off for another day. Ordinarily, postponing tasks for another day isn't such a big deal but we are moving in a couple of weeks. We need to get our stuff packed, shampoo the carpets, clean the windows, paint a couple of walls, and so on. In short, we've got a ton of stuff to do and could have used a nice sunny day. Instead, we got rain, lots and lots of rain!

Have you ever had days like that? Sometimes, does it feel as if things, events, and even people are conspiring to make your life miserable, or at the very least, harder than it should be? Well, I sure felt that way today. Fortunately, that didn't last very long. Today was supposed to be 'cleaning the windows' day. It was one of the rare days when the older boys were both available to help with the tall windows so it was a perfect plan. Or so I thought! Apparently, we were meant to do something else today. Something more important. Something that we will all treasure for a very long time.

We didn't clean windows. We made memories instead. One of the boys came up with the idea. He thought it would be neat if they made a recording of their favorite times with their dad. They wanted to present this to their dad when he deploys in a few weeks. We all agreed that it was a wonderful gift and one that my husband will undoubtedly cherish and love. My husband is out of town for work so it was a perfect day to do it.

At first, the boys were a little awkward but then they got into the spirit of the project. It was amazing how much they remembered. The two oldest at 19 and 16 talked about experiences they shared with their dad when they were as young as 7 and 8. There were many intimate and special moments shared today. It was quite an emotional day for all of us. Tears were shed, and words of love and appreciation were expressed. In the end, we were all blessed just as surely as my husband will be blessed when he listens to these messages in the days to come. Reliving those memories helped us all to remember how important our family is. It brought us closer and strengthened our bond as a family that much more.

What started out as a bleak and rainy day turned into the brightest and most beautiful day for my family. Sure, we still have to wash windows. We lost a day so that probably means extra work but I'd gladly trade a day of washing windows for a day like today if given that opportunity again. What's an extra hour or two of washing windows if we can have that kind of time with our kids? It reminds me of that commercial on TV. I don't remember all of it exactly but if our experience today was part of that commercial it would conclude with something like this: "Quality time with the kids - priceless!"

After today, I will try hard to always look for the silver lining in all of my days. Likewise, I will strive to remember that even in the midst of my trials, there is always a silver lining. I know that this knowledge and my faith in the Lord will sustain me in the days to come. Things may not always go as we plan or want but if we trust in the Lord and listen to the promptings of the Spirit, it will all work out. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught:

Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed.

The world has been overflowing with grief in the past few weeks. It’s made me stop and think about my part in all of this. I don’t live near any of the recent disasters, either inside or outside of the United States, but still my heart weeps right along with these people. I’m so far away and I have no idea what I could possibly do to help ease their tremendous suffering. I’m just one person, one person who can not transport herself there to wipe a tear or help with the physical labor or relief efforts. I went looking for answers in the one place I trust the most: my faith and my religion.

Though it still doesn’t feel like enough— I doubt anything any of us could do, would ever be enough. Still, I did find a few things. I found the following articles most helpful.

“The Latter-day Saint Humanitarian Center,” Ensign, Mar 2001, 60.

Neil K. Newell, “‘Anxious to Bless the Whole Human Race’,” Ensign, Apr 1999, 24–31.

Neil K. Newell and Lloyd D. Newell, “The Power of Compassion,” Ensign, Dec 2002, 21.

For me, I think the most important things I can do are: never lose my empathy, pray and prepare.

As bad as things may get, I should never find myself shrugging off the latest news of a hurting world. Yes, it’s discouraging and depressing so I don’t read or listen to very much, but I try to watch the main headlines so I can be aware of my fellowman. I hope there never comes a day when I’ve seen so much grief that I forget to notice that these are real people with real suffering. I hope I never get to a point where I can shrug it all off because it doesn’t directly effect me.

No matter what is happening, the best place I can turn to be of help is to my faith. Just as I turned to it for answers about how to help, if I keep turning to it the paths I can best follow with be shown to me. If nothing else I can exercise my faith in the atonement on other people’s behalf, pleading for its effects to reach a place where it can plant the seeds of peace in their wounded hearts. I pray for those that suffer and those left behind that the despair will not become more than they can bear.

I pray for those who are able to help from a closer proximity that they might be sped on their way and find those in most need. I pray that they will be safe as they move forward to help. I pray that the supplies they bare will be sustained in the manner of the loaves and fishes. I pray that their strength will endure beyond their normal capabilities. I try to send a portion of myself in support and offer a plea for the best gift of all, the Savior’s help. He is there. We have to know that. In the midst of all this, He has not abandoned us, or them, and left us to ourselves. He continues to do all He can, though some may say He’s not there at all, to comfort and guide and record the pain and suffering around Him. He pays the price for all of that. He cries with us. He places His yoke firmly around those who work and bare these tremendous trials. He carries them home when their lives can not be spared. I add my faith to His efforts and know that He can do more than any man or organization if they were left to themselves.

Lastly, I try to prepare: both in my own family and for organizations I believe in who reach out in these times of need. I remember the Lord’s counsel to put away stores for future need: food, money and anything else that might be needed to sustain the life of my family. I try to remember that I’m storing not only for my own needs but to be able to reach out to another’s needs. When I’m storing appropriately, there is always an extra dish in the freezer or an extra $5 for the relief funds. When I’m not, I feel the weight of what might have been if I had been ready to be an instrument in the Lord’s hands.

I also store up knowledge. Though I may not actively use all of it, I try to learn and know how to access information, about things I may need to know in an emergency— basic first aid, basic herbal concepts, basic water purification, basic survival. Because of my profession as a nurse, I also store basic supplies that would help me meet a more serious need. I keep an extra box of gloves, bandages, topical antibiotics, and various other implements tucked in with my extra stethoscope, blood pressure cuff and other implements. Are there aspects of what you know that would be helpful to another in an emergency? Include these things in your stores.

The final area we can all help in is money. Donating goods and money as often as possible opens a great deal of doors for organizations that specialize in relief and support efforts. Budgeting for this every day and month rather than just when the need is immediate allows service organizations to move in faster and better equipped than if they have to wait for additional funding or supplies. Many years ago when I was in nursing school, we had a guest speaker from the Red Cross come in to talk to us about what they do. While I’m not saying that the Red Cross is the best or only means of participation in relief efforts, I think her message applies across the board. I still remember the thing she stressed as most important— money. In her own words: additional helping hands are nice, but too many causes more problems than too few, and goods are great but money is better.

She told of working one disaster area and having a semi-truck full of feminine products brought to their site. They were donated very generously by the product manufacturer but not exactly appropriate at the time. Suddenly, the Red Cross had to use valuable resources and manpower finding ways to dispense these goods which, yes, may have been needed but not in that quantity. Giving money ensures that they can get and provide exactly what is most needed at any given stage of a disaster. You’d be amazed at what the best organizations can do with only a few dollars. No matter how small your own donation may seem, know that it is doing more good than you could ever imagine.

For me, I prefer to donate my time, money and goods, to the LDS church humanitarian aid division. Why? Because they are very careful with what I give them. All money they receive goes directly into supporting those in need. The church covers all its own overhead expenses. Plus, they are very careful about the type of aid they provide. Help from them comes in two forms— immediate and long-term. Not only do they help with urgent needs, they are constantly on the watch for ways they can help people improve their way of life in the long-term often years after the rest of the world has moved on.

When I think of their pain and suffering, my small gestures of contribution still don’t seem like much but I continue to give because the Savior did and I trust in Him to take my meager offering and magnifying for those I’m sending my heart out to. Please, if nothing else remember to pray, and remember to give.

We had the most wonderful surprise yesterday. Yesterday, a dear man chose to come worship with us.

I watched as this brother was embraced and welcomed. One by one, people came over and spoke with him. From where I was sitting, it looked as if expressions of brotherly love were given and received on both sides. The miracle of this event is that this brother had withdrawn from our fellowship a few years ago. He had taken offense over some small matter and would not forgive even when apologies were extended his way. Yesterday, all that appeared forgotten and forgiven. There was only joy!

I'm sure that most of us have taken offense at one point or another in our lives. Justified or not, taking offense can sometimes lead to decisions that hurt us far more than the original words or actions that caused us to be offended in the first place. Often times, when we don't or can't forgive these offenses, we end up with years of sorrow and regret.

One of my dearest friends shared her story with me. She was the oldest daughter so she felt like a second mother to her younger siblings. As can happen with siblings, disagreements over trivial and unimportant things are sometimes blown out of proportion. This is exactly what happened between my friend and a younger sister. Things came to a head, bitter words were exchanged, and the sisters walked away angry and unforgiving.

For over a year, my friend and her sister didn't speak. They avoided family gatherings altogether if the other sister was going to be there. My friend was deeply offended at the apparent disrespect her younger sister had shown her. She expected her younger sister to be the first to apologize. She felt that she was due this much since she was the oldest.

Apparently, the younger sister had a similar reaction. She felt that her older sister had offended her and that she needed an apology. She felt that the older sister should be the one to make the first move since she was the oldest.

My friend remembers this time as the longest and saddest year of her life. They were normally very close and shared a special bond even though they each had their own families by then. It was around Christmas time that year when my friend finally had the courage and humility to go to her sister and ask her for her forgiveness. She recalls that she had barely started apologizing when her sister broke down and embraced her and begged her forgiveness as well.

Both sisters could barely even remember what was so important about the original argument. They had missed out on so much over that year. In that one year, one sister had a son that got married, and the other sister had a daughter that graduated from high school. Choosing to take offense over an insignificant matter consumed their lives for one year, and they paid for it dearly.

Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (informally known as the Mormon religion) have counseled us time and again about taking offense. President Thomas S. Monson, 16th President of the Church, cautioned:
Sometimes we can take offense so easily. On other occasions we are too stubborn to accept a sincere apology. Who will subordinate ego, pride, and hurt — then step forward with “I am truly sorry! Let’s be as we once were: friends. Let’s not pass to future generations the grievances, the anger of our time”?

Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles asked us to choose not to take offense:

When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.

In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14). As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation.

You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. Please remember that you and I are agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended.

My friend was lucky. She and her sister had time to reconcile and be friends and true sisters again. Others have not been so lucky. Some have passed on before taking advantage of the opportunity to forgive and be forgiven. For every happy ending, there is a sad one. For every sister or brother that chooses to forgive the offense, there is one that refuses to accept an apology.

I know what it feels like to be offended. There were even times when I've felt justified in my indignation. I've felt the burden of this weight on my shoulders when I've chosen to hang on to such feelings. On the other hand, I've also felt the blessed peace that comes when I chose to forgive the offense. Without fail, the load of anger and bitterness I've carried around is immediately lifted and taken away from me.

I hope that the next time I'm confronted with a potentially offensive situation I will remember two things: 1) I can choose not to be offended, and 2) I can choose to forgive and ask for forgiveness.

Mistakes! We've all made them. Some mistakes are easily corrected, others can take quite a lot of time and effort to fix. I've made my share of mistakes. I will probably make a few more before my time on this earth is through. Big or small, I can honestly say that I've learned from my mistakes. They've made me a better person, a better mother and wife. My mistakes and my journey to overcome those mistakes are as much a part of me as any other attribute that makes me - me.

But what happens when our children make mistakes? Are we as patient or as understanding? Do we forgive? Do we look at it as an opportunity for them to grow, or do we only see the looks that we imagine our neighbors and friends are giving us? Do we view it as a reflection of our abilities (or lack thereof) as parents? Are we somehow threatened by our children's mistakes because of the way it might make us look?

One of the hardest things a parent has to do is watch their children make mistakes. It is hard to stand by and watch your child make bad choices. It's even harder to watch them suffer the consequences of those poor choices.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are taught that each of us is given the gift of agency. Agency is the ability and privilege God gives us to choose and to act for ourselves. Our Heavenly Father loves us so much that he allowed us to choose.

And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; and whosoever doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free.
He hath given unto you that ye might know good from evil, and he hath given unto you that ye might choose life or death; and ye can do good and be restored unto that which is good, or have that which is good restored unto you; or ye can do evil, and have that which is evil restored unto you. (Helaman 14:30-31)

He will not force us to obey Him and follow His will. Instead, He gave us the freedom to choose for ourselves. Knowing the pain I feel when I watch my children make mistakes, I can imagine how much more our Heavenly Father hurts when we make mistakes. Yet, as a loving Heavenly Father, His way is not to force, but to guide, to forgive, and to give us chances over and over again.

Can we do any less for our own children? Yes, we'd rather they didn't make some of the mistakes they made. Yes, we wish they had made smarter, better, worthier choices than they made. Yes, we hurt, we're disappointed, sometimes we're even angry. But now is not the time for "I told you so" speeches. Now is the time for love, an outpouring of unconditional love.

As a mother, I need to trust that I've raised my sons the best way I know how. I need to remember that I've taught them the word of God. I need to remember that I've tried in every way I know how, to instill in them a love for everything that is good, virtuous, and praiseworthy. Then, I need to stand back and allow them to exercise their agencies. I will always guide, counsel, and advise, but in the end, it is up to them. I need to acknowledge that they too will make their share of mistakes. When (not if) they fall, I will be there to help them pick up the pieces. When they fall, I will be there to help them find their way back. When they fall, I will forgive them.

President Howard W. Hunter, 14th President of the Church, taught:

To fully understand this gift of agency and its inestimable worth, it is imperative that we understand that God’s chief way of acting is by persuasion and patience and long-suffering, not by coercion and stark confrontation. He acts by gentle solicitation and by sweet enticement. He always acts with unfailing respect for the freedom and independence that we possess. He wants to help us and pleads for the chance to assist us, but he will not do so in violation of our agency. He loves us too much to do that, and doing so would run counter to his divine character.

Given the freedom to choose, we may, in fact, make wrong choices, bad choices, hurtful choices. And sometimes we do just that, but that is where the mission and mercy of Jesus Christ comes into full force and glory. He has taken upon himself the burden of all the world’s risk. He has provided a mediating atonement for the wrong choices we make. He is our advocate with the Father and has paid, in advance, for the faults and foolishness we often see in the exercise of our freedom. We must accept his gift, repent of those mistakes, and follow his commandments in order to take full advantage of this redemption. The offer is always there; the way is always open. We can always, even in our darkest hour and most disastrous errors, look to the Son of God and live.

Don't you just love that? There aren't enough words to express how grateful I am for the gift of the Atonement.

I'm thankful for a loving Heavenly Father and for His gift of Agency. The knowledge that He trusts me so much that He allows me to choose gives me the courage to pick myself up when I've made mistakes. I'm so grateful for a Church that teaches us about the wonderful principle of Agency. I'm thankful because I know that this gift is available to my children as well. It is available to all of us.

This, and other teachings of the Church, gives me eternal hope. I have hope that, whatever mistakes my sons may make, they will make it right. I have hope that when they do mistakes, they will remember that their Heavenly Father will forgive them if they sincerely repent of those mistakes. I have hope that when they fall, they will pick themselves up and try again. I have hope that when they fall, they will learn and grow and become better men because they corrected and overcame their mistakes.