Overcoming Adversity

Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful.

The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength. For some, the refiner’s fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such refining is part of the perfection process. (President James E. Faust)

Adversity is a given in life. We will all experience it. It is for this very reason that we are here in this mortal journey - to prove ourselves through our trials and tribulations. During times of adversity, some choose to abandon faith in the Lord. Others choose to remain steadfast and true. They choose to hold fast to their faith and continue to serve the Lord and their fellowmen.

Service is a big part of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We may be asked to teach Sunday school, conduct music, teach small children, lead the congregation, teach early morning Seminary, help with the Sunday bulletin, or be a visiting teacher. It really doesn't matter where in the Church we're asked to serve. What matters is that we serve to the best of our abilities. What matters is that we use the talents the Lord has blessed us with to serve Him and our fellowmen in whatever capacity we're asked to serve.

I've seen and felt the hand of adversity this year. I've also witnessed an outpouring of blessings through the selfless service of others.

Yesterday, I was released as the Relief Society (women's organization of the Church) president in our ward (local Church unit). This basically means that as of yesterday, I'm no longer the Relief Society president for our ward. A release from a calling in the Church usually comes about when one is being called to serve somewhere else, is moving out of the ward, when personal or family circumstances change, or it might simply be time to give someone else an opportunity to serve in that position. We're moving back to the West Coast in a week!

As the Relief Society president, I came to love each of the women in the ward. However, there is a special place in my heart for those sisters who experienced great adversity over the past year. Some sisters have serious health related challenges. Others are struggling financially. There are problems in marriages and other family relationships. The list goes on. Each is dealing with trials and adversity in her own way. With faith in the Lord and with help from her sisters in the Relief Society, each sister continues to move forward, one step at a time.

Sometimes, serving and helping someone else does require a lot from us, but I've found that these times are very rare. Most times, it's the small and sincere acts of love that go a long way in easing someone else's load. Often times, it doesn't cost us anything except an hour or two of our time. At times, a smile, a kind word, a true friend, is all that is needed. Someone who will listen and not judge. Someone who understands, who cares, who looks past the shortcomings to the person inside. Someone who is willing to share another's burden, even if it is just for a few minutes.

Alma, a prophet of the Book of Mormon taught us that to become true disciples of Jesus Christ, we must be willing to bear one another's burden.

And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life. (Mosiah 18:8-9)

A wonderful thing happens when we strive to serve and help others during their trials - we forget to dwell on our challenges. Our problems may not disappear completely but somehow our perspective changes. What once seemed insurmountable is not quite so overwhelming. We stop feeling sorry for ourselves.

I'm filled with gratitude for the examples of these sisters. Despite personal trials, these sisters chose to serve and help someone else. They remind me on a constant basis that each of us is our sister's keeper. We are indeed our brothers' keepers!

Selfless service is a wonderful antidote to the ills that flow from the worldwide epidemic of self-indulgence. Some grow bitter or anxious when it seems that not enough attention is being paid to them, when their lives would be so enriched if only they paid more attention to the needs of others.

The answer lies in helping to solve the problems of those around us rather than worrying about our own, living to lift burdens even when we ourselves feel weighed down, putting our shoulder to the wheel instead of complaining that the wagons of life seem to be passing us by.

Stretching our souls in service helps us to rise above our cares, concerns, and challenges. As we focus our energies on lifting the burdens of others, something miraculous happens. Our own burdens diminish. We become happier. There is more substance to our lives.
(Elder David S. Baxter of the Seventy).

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

Remember this nursery rhyme? Does anyone out there really believe that words can't hurt us? Words do hurt! Words can leave wounds and scars that linger long after broken bones are healed. Words can maim for life!

I'd never heard about American Idol, let alone watch it, until March of this year. Well, the big American Idol finale was last night. Two very talented singers went head to head. From all appearances, the two were both worthy of the title. Both are extremely gifted singers. Both appear to be humble young men from families that love them very much. Last night, one very deserving young man was crowned the victor. The other, just as deserving and just as talented, is rightly proud of the fact that he gave it his all and did his best.

It's been interesting to watch the frenzy that surrounded this show, especially on the Internet. Actually, I don't think "interesting" is quite the word I want. I believe the one I want is "disheartening." That's the one that comes the closest to describing how I feel. I found it absolutely disheartening to read some of the unkind things that were written about the contestants, especially the young "Mormon kid" from Utah. It was especially disheartening to realize that some of the meanest things written about him were written not by teenagers but by adults.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we know that each of us will experience adversity in our lives.

Adversity comes from different sources...Adversity may sometimes come because of others’ poor choices and hurtful words and actions. (True to the Faith pg 8-11)

Negativity in the media is nothing new. We've dealt with it on a large scale ever since television became a common household item. However, the anonymity afforded by the Internet seems to have given rise to a whole new level of mean-spiritedness in our society.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said:

...Negative speaking so often flows from negative thinking, including negative thinking about ourselves. We see our own faults, we speak—or at least think—critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything. No sunshine, no roses, no promise of hope or happiness. Before long we and everybody around us are miserable.

This post is really not about American Idol. It's about how we view and treat each other. It's about what we say about each other and how we say it. It's about showing a little more kindness and compassion with the words that we speak and write. It's about doing unto others as we would have them do unto us. (Mathew 7:12)

As a parent, I know how crucial my words are to my children. The right words can lift and motivate while the wrong words can destroy. I have no doubt that my words affect my children whether they're 8 years old or 19 years old. Because I know this, I'm very careful with my words especially when I'm angry or upset.

Should I be any less careful with what I say to or about other people's children? Of course not! Should I be any less considerate of what I say about anyone else? Absolutely not!

Does this mean that we can't criticize or correct? Of course not. Does this mean that we will like everyone that we'll come across? Of course not. Does this mean that we'll all be in agreement on every issue and matter that arises? Of course not. BUT we can disagree without being mean. We can correct with love. We can even vote, praise, and cheer for our favorite American Idol without belittling the talent and character of the other.

Elder Holland continued:

Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity, the three great Christian imperatives so desperately needed in the world today. With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return, confidence can prevail.

There is a hymn that we sing in Church that I hum to myself when I find myself being less than charitable in my words. The first line reads, "Let us oft speak kind words to each other, At home or wherever we may be." Friends, there is enough meanness and hate in the world. Let us try to be a little more considerate of each other. Let us try and speak kind words, not only within our homes but in our neighborhoods and communities and yes, even on the Internet.

In the last little bit I have found myself flying a lot more than I am comfortable with. Flying didn’t bother me for a long time, but then a few years ago I had a bad experience. On a long flight across the country, I was faced with an exaggerated amount of air turbulence that frequently caused my stomach to lurch as the plane dropped and bumped. Though I tried to keep a calm exterior, I bit a hole in my cheek on that flight as all the terrible thoughts raced through my mind while the plane rocked and buckled across the United States. Since then I’m faced with a sense of dread every time I settle into the seat for a flight. Every time the aircraft jumps, even slightly, my heart jumps right along with it. Because of my writer’s mind, the wild and various terrible scenarios repeat themselves unbidden until I’m safely back on the ground.

This fear is one of the reasons I’m grateful for my knowledge of the gospel. It teaches me that God is mindful of His children, even me, in the hour of their need. It may seem something small and insignificant in the grand scheme of life, but when I am in the midst of my fear it is the most important thing to me and my Heavenly Father.

I’m grateful for the power of prayer at these times. From the moment the plane begins to taxi, I begin to pray. My prayers are often unadorned and repetitive, but I think He understands. I ask for safety, but most of all I ask for peace. I ask for His spirit to speak peace to my troubled mind and heart, to calm my body and soul. I do not ask for Him to remove the trial, though I would love to be rid of this fear. I only ask for courage to be equal to the challenge I’m facing. What I’m most grateful for is the knowledge that I have that He really does listen, He understands, and He reaches out to me in my small need.

When the plane lands I change my prayer to one of gratitude. He has touched me with His love once again. If I asked for the challenge to be removed, I think I’d easily forget the wonderful miracle that it is to so easily recognize His hand in my life. I love knowing that He loves me, even more than I can comprehend.

If it weren’t for these small trials, I think I might also forget to look for His touch when life’s challenges build and become overwhelming. At those times it can be easy to forget where your strength lies. It can be easy to forget to turn to Him. It can be more difficult to feel His comforting touch if we are not already aware of its affects in our life.

No, I do not like to fly. I will at times go out of my way to avoid it. Still, I will always be grateful for the little nagging fears that crowd my mind as I taxi down the runway that lead to fervent, sincere prayer. These things lead me to the comforting arms of my Heavenly Father and I can think of no place I’d rather be.

In the scriptures, our Savior, Jesus Christ has told us,

In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

Sometimes, it is difficult to see beyond our daily trials. Things can become so overwhelming and stressful that it can often leave us feeling alone and fearful. These types of feelings can linger, and unfortunately, have the tendency to lead to more severe feelings, such as desperation and hopelessness. Having these types of emotions poses a danger in our lives. It allows an opening and susceptibility for Satan to deceive us further away from the light that Jesus Christ brings us in this life.

It is especially important then, my friends, to try to place somewhere in our thoughts that we should not be consumed by our daily trials. We must be disciplined in our thoughts and not let ourselves get carried away into self pity. We must remember that our daily trials are there to strengthen us and to remind us to remain faithful regardless of what comes our way. To be of good cheer then, means to never lose hope. Our Heavenly Father has given to all mankind the means to hold on to that hope through the sacrifice of His only begotten son, Jesus Christ.

No matter what we go through in our daily trials, Jesus Christ knows how we feel, and if we let Him, He is there to help see us through them. He has experienced all of the suffering in all of our lifetimes! Can you imagine that? No matter what we are going through, nothing can be compared to what He endured. But He did overcome it all, for us, and He can show us how to overcome our own particular trials. All we need to do to ask for His help is to humble ourselves in prayer. We must do all we can to try to be patient. The answers to our prayers will come, no doubt, though it may not always be clear and immediate. But help will come.

In our trials, Jesus Christ reminds us to be of good cheer, that our Heavenly Father loves each and every one of us, and that we are not alone.

Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you. (D&C 68:6)

- and -

And now, verily I say unto you, and what I say unto one I say unto all, be of good cheer, little children; for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you.(D&C 61:36)

If we keep our eyes heavenward, instead of on worldly concerns, the daily trials that we face in this mortal realm will not seem so overwhelming. In fact, if we think of our daily trials as just simply daily exercises in faith, we will begin to notice that we are able to overcome them more easily than we were previously able to. If we choose to use them to our advantage, these daily exercises in faith can help us to improve our outlook on life and help us to become experts at seeing the flip side of the trials we face. We can learn to be grateful for learning to see the silver lining of every cloud, so to speak.

In this New Year, I invite you to try to recite to yourselves, "Be of good cheer,"when you find yourself in the moment of feeling like your daily trials are wearing you down. Know that you are hearing the Savior's words reminding you to not be discouraged, because hope is always there for you, and that you are loved and not alone. Though we cannot always escape our daily adversities, we can change our perspective and we can turn the tide in our favor. By turning to our Savior, Jesus Christ, He provides for us all the hope we need to overcome whatever trials we face.

The end of 2007 is finally here. Personally, I could not be more relieved. I survived! This past year was one of the most difficult years for me and by extension, for my family. Although I am filled with hope and anticipation for a better year next year, I know that at the same time I am truly grateful for the trials and tribulations I faced this past year. What was the lesson I learned from all of the adversity I dealt with this year? I learned to not take my faith for granted, and that everything that is important in life takes a lot of consistently hard work to maintain. But in the end, the reward is worth it, and the alternative is unacceptable.

When I was baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Mormons) almost six years ago, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. Up until then, I had struggled in life because I had no moral compass to guide me. When I learned about the gospel of Jesus Christ I finally felt like I had direction in life. I was overjoyed when I received the Gift of the Holy Ghost as my constant companion after I was baptized. I thought that I would never feel alone or lost again. For the first couple of years after I was baptized, I soaked up everything I could to learn more about the gospel because it made me so happy to do so. The more I learned, the more clearly I felt I saw the world and my place within the world. Upon reflection, learning more about the gospel wasn't my downfall, but having a false sense of security in my path to righteousness was. When we relocated to our new house, we did not attend church regularly. At first, it happened innocently enough, but in truth, we did not put forth enough effort to make going to church a priority. We fooled ourselves into thinking that our faith alone would be enough to sustain us. It wasn't.

And others will he [the devil] pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well-and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell. (2 Nephi 28:11)

In retrospect, I know that much of the adversity I dealt with at the beginning of the year was unfortunately, self imposed. Though many of my friends tell me that I am too young to experience a mid-life crisis, it is what it felt like I went through. It was not my intention to go off my rocker, so to speak, but that is exactly what happened when I did not anchor my life steadfastly to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I confess to the world that I took for granted what I knew to be true, and disregarded my better judgment.

I spent the last half of 2006 and the first half 2007 in a great depression. Two years of inactivity away from the church took its toll on me, and my family suffered through it. It seemed like I fell right back into the old patterns of self destruction that I had prior to my conversion. By not turning to the Lord consistently when I was in need, I began to depend on the comforts of the world. I essentially made room for the Adversary to slip into my life. I had unknowingly turned my back on Heavenly Father.

Once I let Satan create that initial foothold, a great deception began in my life. The spirit of contention filled my home and I struggled greatly in my relationship with my husband. Though we were on the brink of divorce, I was in denial. I was too prideful and bitter to realize that I was being selfish in my ways. I am so thankful that my husband was able to recognize that there were evil forces at work within our home. He made a stand against Satan when he turned to Jesus Christ for help. He humbled himself and sought out the counsel of the Bishop in our ward. It was a make or break situation. I either accepted the offer to seek out marriage counseling, or we would cease to be husband and wife. I would lose everything that was truly important to me. Faced with that reality, I reluctantly agreed to marriage counseling.

At the first session, I was resentful for being there, but that resentment quickly faded away when our counselor asked the question, "So why are you here?" When I began to explain why I thought I was there, I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. I did not make sense. For that moment, I glimpsed the person that I had become. It wasn't me. At that same moment, I turned to look at my husband and I saw the man that I loved. Despite the way that I had acted for those months, my husband truly wanted to save our marriage, and me. That one act of courage and forgiveness was enough to wake me out of my spiritual slumber.

After a lot of hard work and effort, my husband and I are now closer than we have ever been in our seven years of marriage. Having survived this year and recognizing the pitfalls that brought us to the near breakdown in our marriage has given us the gift of not taking things for granted, especially in our faith.

What happened to me could happen to anyone. There were many mistakes that could have been avoided, but I failed to recognize the promptings of the Holy Ghost because I was not living my life how I knew that I should, and I was not doing my part. Having knowledge of the gospel isn't enough to defend against the Adversary. We have to constantly work at it, live by it, and be humble in the fact that we have weaknesses. We also have to humbly seek help and forgiveness from our Father in Heaven, through Jesus Christ, to help us guard against Satan preying upon those weaknesses.

Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God. (Ether 12:4)

Christmas is right around the corner. It is supposed to be a time of joy, peace, and happiness for everyone. It is a time to remember and reflect upon the amazing miracle of the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. It is a time to reopen in our hearts the glorious gift of hope that our Father in Heaven gave to all mankind.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

It is a time of celebration. Why then, do many people experience the 'Holiday Blues'?

It seems like it gets harder and harder for people to remember the true meaning behind the celebration of Christmas these days. We often effectively create adversity for ourselves during this time of year. We are inundated with commercialized images and high expectations of what a picture perfect Christmas is supposed to be. As a result, we add more stress to our lives over things that should not take priority in our lives, like fighting crowds and traffic congestion to get the best bargains on gifts. We place too much emphasis on what we give, rather than why we give. We send the wrong message to our children when we succumb to the latest toy craze year after year. We unknowingly create high (and often unrealistic) expectations, which, if they fail to be met, can often traumatize them for years and into adulthood. Of course, it is not necessarily over the toy that they didn't get, but the expectation that failed to be fulfilled. These unrealized expectations can often create triggers during the holidays for other unresolved emotional issues that they may experience, and often might not be aware of, in later years. And so, the 'Holiday Blues' often comes to pass.

For some of us, maybe the 'Holiday Blues' exists because we let it creep into our lives. Maybe, we didn't take enough time to truly reconcile what we were thankful for and who we were thankful to during Thanksgiving. Maybe, we never learned gratitude as children. If we are able to emanate an attitude of gratitude no matter what our circumstance, it is difficult to fret about what we lack. Please take a moment to read the blogs, "A Grateful Heart" and "Giving Thanks". You will get a great overview on a bit of what Mormons are taught about the principle of gratitude.

So what can we do if we have the 'Holiday Blues?' If we choose to carry our gratitude for what we have into the Christmas season, we can carry with us the desire to share with others the spirit of Christmas, which is also the spirit of giving. We can give to others, and not have expectation of getting back something in return ... not even their gratitude. We can give because we can, and we will give what we can. Take a moment to read, "The Best Gifts," for a suggested list of some great gifts to think about.

But by far, the best thing that we can do to rid ourselves of the 'Holiday Blues' is to first, pray for a softened heart and a witness of the Holy Ghost. Then we should proceed to immerse ourselves in learning more about the life of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Please go to lds.org, mormon.org, or mormonwiki.com. These websites offer valuable knowledge in an easy-to-read format.

Though we need to make that first step to increase knowledge and wisdom on our own, have comfort that there are resources there that have been created especially for those who choose to seek out that knowledge. Our Father in Heaven has been waiting for you to seek out your desire to be happy ... in true happiness. Fight against your old resistances and struggles to learn the truth. See it, and experience it with your own eyes. Let your heart be humbled, let your mind be open, and let your faith find its true meaning.

At the beginning of last week, as I pondered and prayed about what I should write about in my first post under the category of Adversity, it honestly did not occur to me that the answer would be so ironic.

The days that followed after my prayer were filled with challenges every single day. It felt like everything was going wrong and that I had no control over anything. It also seemed like no matter how well I planned ahead the events of the day, something would happen to throw my whole schedule off, with little hope of recovery. My biggest challenge was trying not to take the daily stuff so seriously. I had to try very hard to not linger in the challenges that I faced. But the daily stuff seemed to come at me from all angles and in great number. Sometimes, I really had to try to remember to just breathe.

In retrospect, I feel as if the answer to my prayer was that my Heavenly Father wanted me to practice having a sense of humor through it all. (Please read this excellent post, Who is Heavenly Father? for further explanation on how Mormons view God.) The variety of adversity this past week in particular was both a blessing and a trial at the same time. Again, it was ironic.

In referring to irony, Elder Neal A. Maxwell, a former Apostle of the Quorum of the Twelve of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons), once wrote,

Irony is the hard crust on the bread of adversity. Irony can try both our faith and our patience. Irony can be a particularly bitter form of such chastening because it involves disturbing incongruity. It involves outcomes in violation of our expectations. We see the best laid plans laid waste. ("Irony:The Crust on the Bread of Adversity", Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign, May 1989)

Whenever I experience a sense of irony, I can't help but to chuckle. I marvel at the beauty of what feels like a well-laid plan. The kind of plan that was laid out not by me, but for me, by my Heavenly Father because He loves me. Even though I may not like or understand every detail to that plan, whatever it may be, I know it is for my own benefit. I know this, because I have faith in Him. I know this because the scriptures are filled with ironic moments.

The daily bread of adversity is what we need for our spiritual nourishment. The more we eat of it, the stronger our spirits become in the face of adversity. The crust of irony helps to differentiate the bread of adversity for what it is, and that is to experience a moment long enough, to ask, "What is the lesson I am supposed to learn here?"

Even when our daily adversities seem numerous at times, if we do take a moment to ask that question, our ability to overcome the adversity at hand is within our grasp. We can also find hope and counsel in the comfort given by our Heavenly Father to the Prophet Joseph Smith, Jr. while he suffered through his own adversity:

My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. (D & C 121:7-8)

I now realize that the irony of the answer to my prayer is the fact that I cannot remember the specifics of the daily adversity I faced last week, even though I know there was originally plenty to write about. I find humor in that. That is the blessing.